decisions

Over the past three weeks, to the day, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and breathing. What a gift being able to get away from work and home has been. I truly didn’t think it was available to me, but after talking it through with a few beloveds, I was convinced that simply asking for what I needed couldn’t hurt. 

The place I’ve been staying has been filled with so much comfort, love and support — I could totally stay longer. And I’m also feeling really good, calm and prepared to venture back. This has been time very well spent. My stuff is packed and I’m leaving in the morning. It’s clear to me that this journey isn’t over though. In fact, I almost see it as officially beginning.

This time has allowed me to untangle a zillion thoughts and emotions. While I don’t have a bunch of answers and action plans — or all the thoughts and emotions entirely untangled — I do have a little bit of clarity which I know will lead me to the next step, and that one will lead to the next.

I know:

• I was privileged to be born into my set of circumstances and would be remiss not to take advantage of all that’s available to me.
• I want to feel inspired every day.
• I’m responsible for my lack of progress in a number of areas and can see the light ahead.
• I haven’t been complacent or unproductive, I’ve been navigating life.
• I’m at my best when I’m rested.
• Rest is not elusive, I’m in control over how and when I get it.
• There’s so much I want to do and I don’t want to waste time.
• After making a decision, I’m allowed to change my mind.

It’s clear that the experiences I’ve been having around change and desire are important and not uncommon, and it’s a big deal that I’m paying attention to them. There’s so much to gain mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually by listening.

I feel pretty grounded, definitely eager and cautiously excited about what’s to come. I’m cautious about my excitement because I know myself, I can easily get lost in it. Right now I definitely prefer to stay calm and focused.

And now, the next step.