monkey brain

I know there are tools and tricks for training a crazy brain that doesn’t know how to help itself, but I sure wish there was an actual switch.

Flick — quiet brain. Flick — meditation brain. Flick — contemplation brain. Flick — productive work brain.

Left to my own devices, I’ll catapult myself down a rabbit hole of back and forth wondering about this, that, the other thing and this again. It’s really hard to hone in on one theme and dig in. I imagine this is how it is for everyone. But if so, how does anything ever get done?

My sister tells me to stop worrying about and dwelling on things that are outside my control. Obviously this is the ideal way to operate. But someone tell me how the fuck to make my brain stop swirling so I can get a grip on the things I do have control over.

I have pieces of ideas that I think could become big ideas. And some of these ideas, with a focused mind and some money, could probably manifest into some cool initiatives. Further, there are a number of experiences I want to have. Some new and some I’d like to revisit.

“If I work less hours or get a different job, or as soon as I have more money or meditate more, or or or, then I’ll be able to get stuff done and do everything I want to do.” 

I do know that these different circumstances wouldn’t necessarily give me the time and space and clarity that I need to do all the things. I also know that in order to slow down and focus, I have to try something different. Well, this life break is working in many ways, so, what’s the next step? What’s the tool?

I’m obsessed with project management resources that support me in my work life and I try to meditate pretty regularly to support me in my personal life. Is there a way to marry these tools and bridge my two lives?

I would like something that allows me to dump ideas and capture the various stages of progress and provides some sort of support in my heart and mind. Does this unicorn tool exist? If not, what do I do until it does? 

At other points in my life I’ve been decisive and a relative risk taker (not “let’s go drive a race car or bungee jump,” but courageous in other ways). What was different then? What were the conditions?

Let’s see. I didn’t care how much money I made as long as it covered my basic needs, plus a little extra. I definitely had a sense of invincibility. I felt totally supported at every turn and from every angle. I didn’t really worry — I believed that everything would be okay, always. Mom was alive.

What’s different now besides the obvious? How do I move into the life I want to be living? The experiences and feelings I want are not far from what I’ve already experienced or felt. So how do I create the conditions?

Mark Nepo says, “...slowness remembers and hurry forgets; softness remembers and hardness forgets; surrender remembers and fear forgets.”

Well alright then, since I’ve forced the slowness and am currently in it, now I’ll work on softening and surrendering.