jump off the rug

When you feel change coming, like really feel the churning energy but have no idea what or when, I wonder if it’s better to have the rug pulled out from under you and then just figure stuff out or to jump off even if you don’t know what the floor beneath will be like.

I’ve been experiencing emotional and psychological twists with work the past few weeks and it’s like, I see the rug being jerked and so badly want to jump off, but still have a bunch of unanswered questions. Not to mention an amount of guilt and attachment to certain things, some of which are outside my control.

As I think about the past few months, I suppose it could be said that I’m not exactly having the rug pulled out from under me since what I’m experiencing is not new. But the experience I’m having right here and now is different than it was three months ago. It feels urgent. 

If any of my loved ones were having the same experience, what would I say to them? 

“All you can do is what you can do. All you should do is what feels good to you. All you can worry about is how things will impact your wellbeing. When you are well and cared for, you are able to love and care for others more fully. You will make the right choices because you are kind, thoughtful and compassionate. Don’t worry, it will be okay. And yes, it is time to be proactive - don’t wait for ‘it’ to happen to you.” 

Okay, so what does that mean for me under these circumstances? Well, let’s see...

1. I can finish up my legacy project and get it out the door in the next 3 months.
2. I can be honest with the people I care about.
3. I can have conversations with and get advice from wise ones who love me and have my interests at heart.
4. I feel good when I’m heard.
5. I feel good when I’m respected. 
6. I feel good when I’m meaningfully challenged.
7. I feel good when I’m honoring the time and energy balance I need.
8. My wellbeing is tethered to financial stability.
9. My wellbeing is tethered to emotional stability.
10. My wellbeing is tethered to having loving support.
11. I have the capacity, knowledge and courage do what I need to do.

Everything will turn out to be more than okay. When you know, you know.

*Mark Nepo offers his perspective on urgency to me after writing the above reflection. He says, “When feeling urgent, you must slow down...What we need is always harshly and beautifully right before us, disguised in the wrapping of our nearest urgency...The doorway to our next step is always behind the urgency of now. Now more than ever, when all feels urgent, you must cut the strings to all events.”